AisleDash

It wasn't exactly what she'd planned. What she'd planned was a quiet, intimate beach wedding: three bridesmaids, three groomsmen, and about twenty guests on the empty white, windswept sands of Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina.

What they encountered instead was the annual Cape Fear Kite Festival. Multi-colored kites, children running freely across the sands, a few SUVs parked here and there, tents for the kite-flying patrons of the festival.

It would be the perfect opportunity for a Bridezilla-style meltdown, wouldn't you think? Her small, private wedding invaded by dozens (hundreds?) of exuberant strangers. If anyone was entitled to feel thoroughly ripped off, it would be this bride. But no. Even though she had no idea until she arrived her wedding coincided with the festival, she commented that "... everyone with the kite festival has been so nice. Besides, the important thing is that I am getting married."

So, if your flowers aren't quite the color you were expecting, if your groom is late, your flower girl refuses to walk down the aisle, or the wedding cake never shows up ... remember: The important thing is that you are getting married.

If you're convinced your wedding is Your Day, and everyone participating in it, from wedding party through parents to guests are there only as an audience ... well, you ARE a Bridezilla, and probably proud of it. You may skip this post.

If, however, you're generally a regular human being, but you're wondering if you're getting just a little ... intense ... about this whole venture, read on. It's easy, in the hectic throes of wedding planning, to get a little carried away. When you see your bridesmaids exchanging glances you're not supposed to see, you'll want to go through this handy checklist, and make the changes necessary.

Laura Wolf's 2001 novel, Diary of a Mad Bride, is one of those books every bride should read. The book isn't full of good advice on wedding planning; rather, it's full of what-not-to-do's.

We all know girls who've gone completely loco as soon as they get engaged, but none of us thinks we'll be the next bridezilla. Wolf's engaging novel takes us along one bride's road to bridezillaville, showing readers how even level-headed girls can go a little crazy when it comes to planning a wedding.

As readers watch protagonist Amy Thomas slip from cool, witty, and collected into a maniacal mess, the very real and honest tone of the book works as a mirror for brides to note the ways they may be prone to losing control -- and the respect of all their friends and loved ones -- in the course of their own wedding planning.

The message of the book is a good one for all potential brides and bridezillas: even when nothing goes according to plan, the end goal is not a beautiful wedding, but a beautiful marriage.

Here's a fun twist on a stress ball. You've heard of those, of course: soft and squoosy vinyl or foam balls, good for holding in your hand when it suddenly turns into a clenched fist ... and then easing and squeezing out the tension.

Not just for physical release, this stress ball is made of a lovely, silky dough that is infused with scents. There are two different styles, the Stress Release ball, scented with lavender and bergamot; and the Energizer Ball, smelling of grapefruit and geranium. One to soothe your soul, the other to kick-start your psyche.

Both of them good for the harried bride-to-be, and her supportive almost-spouse!

For more information on AromaSqueezeMe, follow this link.

As we were looking for fabulous stories and items to bring you, we stumbled across something interesting on My Space (yeah, we know). There was a group formed specifically to talk a bride out of getting married. We don't want to embarrass anyone, so we won't be linking the posts. But, of course, we'll tell you a little more about it.

Apparently, we have a young bride (she was about 20) who planned to marry. Her friends, however, didn't feel that her groom was the right person for her. They claimed he had no decent job (by their standards) and wouldn't be able to help support the couple. The friends also felt that the groom was immature and not ready for marriage.

So instead of having a discussion with the bride (or maybe even after trying that method), one of the bride's friends started a group designed to talk the bride out of marriage. Several people wrote out their reasons for not wanting the marriage to take place.

This creates an interesting situation. If they do get married, the bride will resent her friends for interfering. On the other hand, if it turns out to be a mistake, she may wish she had listened to them. If some of your friends don't like the groom, that's one thing. But if they ALL hate him, then maybe you should rethink one of two things: either you wonder why all of your friends hate him, or you start looking for new friends.

We're stumped. An appalled bride recently wrote, disgusted after her bridal shower, that she couldn't believe the guests kept all the prizes from games for themselves. Didn't everyone know that you're supposed to give those to the bride?!

Um, no, not everyone "knows" this. In fact, we'd never heard it before, and we think it sounds sort of silly. Why would there be prizes at all if the winners aren't supposed to keep them? But hey, just because we've never heard of it doesn't mean it's not a tradition somewhere. Maybe we're wrong.

What do you do with bridal shower prizes?

Dear AisleDash,

I was recently asked to be a bridesmaid at a cousin's wedding, but there are complications. I respect my cousin but hate the bride, who has been very rude to me all the times we have seen each other, and only asked me to be in the wedding because her future mother-in-law (my aunt) made her. How do I deal with this?

-Unhappy Non-Maid

Dear Unhappy,

I see no reason for you to accept this invitation, forced or no, to be a bridesmaid in this wedding. You respect your cousin, so I understand you don't want to hurt his feelings. But you would only hurt his feelings if you told the whole truth -- "I won't be in your wedding because I hate your bride and think you're making a huge mistake!" You can bow out gracefully without going into quite so much detail.

Simply tell the bride thank you for asking, but you don't feel like you have the time to commit to being a bridesmaid. You'll be happy to attend the wedding as a guest, but you think it's best that she ask someone else to stand with her. Since your aunt pushed her to ask you in the first place, she'll probably be more than happy to relieve you of your duties as bridesmaid. As a compromise, you can offer to do a reading or take on some other task at the wedding, to at least show your cousin that you are supportive.

Do you have a question for Ask AisleDash? Use the Contact AisleDash link at the top of the page, or leave it in the comments section. And be sure to look for our answers every Thursday.

Let's face it: there are certain things that you do NOT want as part of your big day. There are also certain things that you MUST HAVE to make the day perfect. Does that make you a Bridezilla?

Sort of.

Wanting the perfect wedding is perfectly acceptable; making everyone around you crazy with your demands and attitudes is not. So how do you walk the line between detail-oriented and crazy?

1. Keep demands to a minimum. Make a list of Must Haves, those things that you have always dreamed of. Keep the list short, though -- no more than five things. If you find that your Must Have list has grown to more than that, it's time to reassess and reconsider what really matters. Do the same for Deal Breakers, and again, keep the list short.

2. Articulate your desires. As you make your Must Have list, be clear -- with your fiancé and your parents and your wedding planner and yourself -- about why these things matter. Can't explain why all the bridesmaids MUST wear the EXACT SAME LIPSTICK? Maybe they really don't need to after all.

3. Be polite. It is truly amazing what people will do when you ask nicely. Saying please and thank you and making clear that you understand that people are going out of their way makes it that much easier to have things your way. And sometimes, the only difference between a Bridezilla and a Perfect Bride is manners.

Finally, keep in mind that on your wedding day, your thoughts should be focused on the ceremony and what it stands for, not on the bridesmaids' tan lines or guests' hats. If you are unable to let the small details go, you will miss the big picture, and that would really make for a terrible wedding.

We showed you the stress-busting possibilities of the Dammit Doll a little while ago. That was all it took for the good people at Busy Fingers Crafts to come up with a new addition to their little village of pressure-easing dolls. Yes, the Bride Dammit Doll is yours for the asking.

Now, it could be that you're not too sure about the idea of beating up on a bride, even if she is stuffed. And yet ... on those occasions when you feel your Inner Bridezilla rising, or that time when you're within seconds of saying something that might cost you a friendship, maybe those would be good moments to grab this satin-bodied darling and give her a few sharp whacks. Better the doll than your bridesmaids!

They could also serve as a Bridezilla early warning system: If you find out that all your bridesmaids have one of these, and they're all looking a little the worse for wear? Time your bridesmaids had a little pampering!

Oh, just when we think we've seen it all, here come the Olsen twins, wearing creepy masks as they marched down the streets of Los Angeles. The sisters were seen gallivanting with several other masked ladies as they made their way towards a wedding. Yes, you read right ... a wedding.

Not sure if the bride had temporary insanity (aka bridezilla syndrome) or just mistakenly thought the Michael Myers look was in this spring, but either way it was down right scary stuff. As usual, I'm sure, Mary-Kate and Ashley were just trying to escape the paparazzi a la Michael Jackson. Hmm, maybe next time, girls.

For now, I would stick with large, flimsy hats and those big buggy sunglasses. You know ... the usual silly getup.

Check out the video footage here. Fun stuff.

Sometimes, when you're really excited about something, it's not enough to be the center of attention for a whole day with all your family and friends. You want strangers on the street to know, too, that you are the BRIDE. Or maybe you just want to have fun with the whole thing, whatever.

Check out the gallery below for some shirts you can buy that tell the world you're the bride, so you won't have to wear your wedding dress to the grocery store again.

Hi bridesmaids. Did your friend suddenly turn into a foe when she got engaged and became, to everyone's horror, a bridezilla? Confronting her about her behavior is probably only going to enrage the beast, so sometimes it's best to just hold your breath until the wedding's over and hope she returns to normal.

Until then, though, you should be able to vent to someone. Talk to others who are going through the same bull---- your bride is putting you through, and vent about it anonymously without worrying about someone telling your bride that you're badmouthing her behind her back. Bridesmaid Essentials provides just the place for you in their Frankenbride forum. Go ahead and unload.

And if you have a bridezilla story you're not afraid to share with the world, tell us all about it in the comments. Abused bridesmaids should not have to feel alone.

This is a true bridezilla story: A young woman, we'll call her Young Woman, recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Young Woman and guest. The young woman had recently ended a long term relationship, but she didn't know many people who would be at the wedding, so she invited a friend as her "and guest" and RSVP'd for two, Young Woman and New Guy.

Upon receipt of this RSVP, the bride called the young woman to say that she could not bring the new guy. "Only people in serious relationships are allowed to bring guests," said the bridezilla. That's funny, since the invitation only specified "guest," not a specific person. Surely there's space at the reception for the new guy if there was space for the ex, so why is the bride forcing her friend to un-invite her date? Because she's being unreasonable, that's why.

It happens to the best of gals. You pop that ring on her finger and wham! Where did your sweet, beautiful, fun-loving lady go? You've lost her to the fu-fu land of silk, taffeta, flowers, and cake frosting. It's an attack of Bridezilla. But don't worry. You can handle this (consider it practice for your next 60+ years). From prevention tactics to identifying the symptoms and snapping her out of it, here is all the strategy you need. But read with caution: you may end up having to be a nice guy about it all.

Boston area brides, get ready! The Filene's Basement Running of the Brides wedding dress sale happens tomorrow starting at 8am -- but the hard core brides are already camped out in front of the store by now.

In short, the RotB is a huge one-day sale where you can get designer gowns at massive discounts -- gowns that regularly sell for $10,000 are on sale for no more than $699. You can imagine the kind of chaos this creates. (Read Ilona's recap of one RotB sale here.)

You don't want to show up at this event without a plan. Miss Toucan at Weddingbee, a veteran of Boston's RotB, wrote up a list of helpful hints and tactics that will help you survive the day and come home with the gown you've always wanted. It's time to gather your team, create a strategy, and get ready run!