AisleDash

Dear AisleDash,

My aunt's fiance wants to elope. He wants their wedding to be just him, my aunt, and her 14-year-old daughter, and then they will make a family announcement after the fact. My aunt and cousin don't want that, though. My aunt has never been married and she wants a small wedding, and my cousin doesn't want her mom to elope, either. She's waited a long time to find the right person and my cousin and I have agreed she deserves at least a small wedding. We are slowly convincing him. Any advice?

~R.

Dear R.,

No one should force their significant other into anything they really don't want. That means that your aunt's fiance shouldn't force her into giving up her wedding, but it also means she (and you and your cousin) shouldn't force him into participating in a wedding he's really against. This shouldn't be a deal-breaker; people that are right for each other are able to talk things over and reach acceptable compromises.

It sounds like that's what's going on now -- you say you are slowly convincing him. The key is to present your argument for a wedding without twisting his arm or begging him to do something he's not interested in. Instead, show him how the small wedding you and your aunt and cousin want doesn't have to be that different from an elopement. Some people can't help but think of giant spectacles when they think of weddings, so your aunt will need to assure him that what she wants is not at all the giant ordeal he's afraid of.

Weddingbells, a Canadian wedding magazine, invited its readers to share some stats about their wedding. Fifteen hundred of them obliged, resulting in the following facts and figures:

The Canadian bride is 29 years old when she gets engaged, and close to three-quarters of all brides-to-be are living with their fiance when he pops the question. Most proposals occur between December and February, with the weddings following up to ten months later, most between July and September.

Close to two-thirds of couples pay for their weddings themselves, and though they thought it would cost them around $17,000, in fact it generally cost something over $25,000. Isn't that always the way?

If you're a Canadian bride, check out the full list of statistics at Wedding Bells, and see how your plans and budget compare!

via: Canada.com

This week we brought you Do It Yourself (DIY) weddings. One of the great things about doing it yourself is the money you can save. And who else knows what you want better than you do? Here are the things we found for you:

Standard unity candles, which are often little more than just a plain white pillar, usually sell for $30 or more. It's not like this is the most expensive part of your wedding, but it is a huge markup nonetheless, especially for an item that you can make yourself, and have a lot of fun doing so.

I first tried candle making at a workshop at a resort where I was vacationing. The class was fun and educational, cost me $20, and I walked away with five candles of my own design -- I'd selected the color, the shape, and the scent of each.

Candle making is not difficult or time consuming, but it is a complicated process. You can find instructions and supplies online, but if you've never tried it before, we recommend starting with a class. Call around to local craft stores and see if any of them offer candle classes, or know where one is available.

Imagine yourself walking down this aisle for your winter wedding. Wouldn't you feel like you were taking a romantic walk through an ice-coated forest? The pale branches glitter with what looks like ice crystals, or even glass, but is in fact plastic -- it will last longer than ice, and cost a whole lot less than crystal!

Given that each branch is coated in the plastic ice crystals, you might fear this would be a very time-consuming and fiddly craft. In fact, assuming you don't paint the branches, each one probably takes no more than 10 minutes to assemble, and is done when the glue dries in an hour! If you wanted to paint the branches to match your color scheme, this would become a two-stage craft: first the painting and then drying, and then, likely the next day, the glue and crystals.

For more samples of plastic crystal crafts, and full instructions on this craft, check out Save-On Crafts.

Writing your own vows probably sounded like a great idea until it was time to actually do it. Thinking of something creative, personal, and appropriate to recite in front of everyone you know can be daunting. Don't let writer's block get you down, though. Once you get going, you only have to write a few sentences. Here goes...

• Start with an outline. We like this format: begin with how great your fiance is, then say something about why you're perfect for each other, and wrap it up with a promise for the future.
• Remember to be yourself. You are not handing this in for a grade. You don't need to use a thesaurus to find the most sophisticated words. If you don't use your normal tone and vocabulary, it will sound fake, and no one wants fake wedding vows.
• Keep it short. Anything longer than 60 seconds will get awkward. If you have more to say, put it in your toast for the rehearsal dinner or reception.

So what words will you actually use? We think a quick story that illustrates your love is a good choice. How about the story of how you felt when you first met, or first realized you were in love? Remember that your family is listening. You are allowed to leave out some details.

Song and movie quotes are fine, but avoid clichés. Instead of something everyone hears all the time, pick a line that's special just to you -- maybe a line from your first date movie, or your song -- something that will make sense to everyone, but will have special meaning to the two of you.

Finally, end with your promises. Sure, you vow to love each other always, but these should be extra personal, too. What promises can you make about your lives together -- now, five years from now, and fifty years down the road? Think about what being married to this person means to you. What are you most excited about? You can use this part of your vows to show that you don't take the little things for granted.

If you're still having trouble, consider working together, and using the same vows. You might find it easier if you help each other -- just because you're not married yet doesn't mean you can't start working as a team now!

Picture your wedding for a moment. You and your groom, standing in front of friends and family, repeating heartfelt vows to each other. Suddenly, the back of your dress drops out and you're exposed for the whole audience to see. Sounds like a bridal nightmare doesn't it?

That exact scenario happened to an Italian bride, and now she's suing the dress designer. Her $4,000 dress fell apart, embarrassing her in front of everyone she knew. The suit she's bringing includes moral and financial damages, totaling almost $40,000.

Are you getting a dress made for your wedding? Here's how you can avoid a scene like that.

1. Get recommendations. Find out who else has used your seamstress. Ask for references and see if they were happy with the end product.
2. Watch out for cheap products. If the price is too-good-to-be-true, it probably is. You want affordable, not cheap. A cheap dress with shoddy workmanship can only spell trouble.
3. Examine prior work. Ask to see some of the work they've done previously. Look closely at the stitching, especially in stress areas. Give the seams a light tug (don't yank the item, just give a gentle pull). Are the seams and stitching nice and snug? Is the stitching neat and tidy? Attention to detail means your seamstress takes pride in her work.
4. Get a final fitting. Make sure you get that final fitting on your dress and look closely at the work. It should be pretty obvious if something's not right, like such poor stitching that the back of the dress could fall out!

We're not really sure how the bride didn't notice such poor work that her dress fell apart. But with some simple precautions on your part, you should be able to avoid the same fate and truly enjoy your day.

Image: copyright Becky Scott

Looking for ways to make the ceremony your own? Even the most traditional of ceremonies has spots for the personal touch. You might write your own vows. You can certainly choose your own readings, either scripture of particular meaning, or a poem, or a meditation written by a creative friend.

For even more ideas, why not ask the officiant? After all, at two or three or four every weekend, he or she could easily have seen hundreds of ceremonies. From the Celebrant USA website come the following suggestions:

1. Share your personal story -- how you met, your proposal, what you appreciate most about each other, whatever is most meaningful to the two of you.

If you're getting married in your home church by your pastor, the decision of who will preside over the ceremony is a no-brainer. If you're not part of a faith community, nor even your parents, you have an extra decision to make -- but you also have more choices.

A good place to search (outside the yellow pages in your city, and city hall), is the Internet. There are all manner of organizations out there. You just have to find the one that suits you best. Just because you're not getting married in a church doesn't mean your beliefs are out of the picture. Often, officiants with no church affiliation can provide a "spiritual" version of the ceremony, if that is your choice. Or you can go completely secular and make no reference to anything other than the two of you and your love.

Start with recommendations from family and friends, then the Yellow Pages and the Internet. The officiant you want is out there somewhere: You just have to find her/him!

This week it was all about the theme wedding. Renaissance weddings, to be exact. Let's take a look at what we've found for you:

Sometimes including small children in the wedding party is a bit risky. Your wee nephew is as cute as can be, but if there's an accident he can be part of, it'll happen! We all know kids like that. If you still want him part of the ceremony, but are worried that the rings might not make it safely down the aisle, you have a couple of options.

In this case, the clear winner is to give the boy fakes. This happens a lot, you know. That sweet little ring-bearer, who's walking up the aisle with such care has not been entrusted with several hundred dollars worth of teeny-tiny lose-able jewelry. Those are gumball machine rings on that pillow. But shhh! Don't tell him that!

If your little guy isn't as bad as all that, and you think it's reasonable to send him down the aisle with the real deal, you might still opt for these ring pouches instead of a pillow. Aren't they cute?? It's easy to tell whose ring is in which pouch, and, with a drawstring at the top, you're less likely to see your rings rolling down the aisle ...

If you think a pair of these would be perfect for your wedding, you can find more information on the ring pouches at Bridal People.

One of the first decisions you'll be making after you've chosen the venue is to choose the colors of your wedding. Two or three colors are usual -- any more than that and you risk losing the sense of "theme" at all. Some people can manage more than three colors, but you'd have to have a far better than average sense of color and design to pull it off without it just looking chaotic.

But how do you choose? There are several ways you can do it, but if you're having trouble making up your mind, here's one we found. First, find a picture that you really warm to -- not because of the people in it, or the memories, but because you just like the look of it. It could be an advertisement for toothpaste, just so long as there's something about it that draws you.

Then you scan that picture into your computer and upload it to Big Huge Labs' Palette Generator. This handy tool will evaluate the colors in the picture, then produce for you a palette of colors, some of which you may not have realized were even in there! Check out the colors, then choose the two or three you like best.

It's a fun and pressure-free way to find a bunch of colors that work well together. To get a sense of what this site will do for you, click through the gallery below, then go try out the generator yourselves!

[via: Your Wedding Company]

Choosing the music for your wedding can be just as difficult and fraught with tension as anything else you have to decide on. There are any number of beautiful, traditional pieces of wedding music to choose from, but what if you just don't want the standard 'weddingy' tunes?

What if you're having a non-religious ceremony? You know that you want something emotive, perhaps, soul-stirring and uplifting, or maybe just a very pretty tune. What is suitable?

We've put together a few pieces of non-bridal music that are still perfect for a wedding.

• Beethoven's Pathetique sonata - a simple and elegant piano piece
• The theme song from True Romance - You're So Cool by Hans Zimmer - it's hauntingly beautiful.
• Somewhere over the rainbow - an acoustic version would be very moving.
• All You Need is Love by the Beatles - remember that scene in the movie Love Actually? Wonderful! What a 'memory moment' and fabulous music too.
• What a wonderful world by Louis Armstrong - played on the saxophone, this is very stirring - there won't be a dry eye amongst your guests. Listen to a version here, on You Tube.
  

Tip 1: Good instruments would be: classical guitar, the ukulele and the saxophone

Tip 2: Check with your family to make sure they don't have any major requests, and avoid a family crisis!

Want to avoid that dreadful moment when your bestman sheepishly admits he forgot/lost/dropped the rings? Then get yourself a ring pillow and tie those babies firmly on. That way you know you'll have the rings when you need them, plus you provide an extra 'Aah how sweet!' moment as your ringbearer walks down the aisle.

Of course, if you decide to do this you then need to find a suitable ring pillow. One that reflects your wedding theme or personal style. It should be easy - there are lots of ringbearer pillows available, in a huge variety of styles. From classic, elegant and traditional white to cute 'n kitsch to vaguely amusing to quite outlandish.

If you want your dog to carry your ring to you, then get your pup a set of 'doggy wings'. Or maybe you're having a beach themed wedding and would love to have your rings revealed in an oyster? Or in a Cinderella carriage, perhaps? Maybe on a horseshoe? Whatever you want, you'll probably find it somewhere. (And Etsy is, once again, a fabulous source.)

Or, if you're feeling very brave (or just wonderfully creative), then why not make it yourself and get exactly what you want?

For a clearer idea of what's available on the Internet, click through the gallery below.

San Diego is not only a perfect wedding city, it's great for your honeymoon, too. With great weather, gorgeous sandy beaches, and lots of great places to visit, you can't go wrong. If you're into trendy places and want a sophisticated, elegant venue, take a look at the Ivy Hotel.

Featured in Condé Nast Traveler's 2008 "Hot List," the Ivy has what you need to plan your wedding. Their rooftop area has city and ocean views. You can use their wedding planner to help get things in order for your big day. And when you book a room for your wedding night, they'll provide you a butler.

The trendy night club, Envy, can host your bachelorette party. If you really want to go crazy, though, the Star Suite has king-sized bunk beds, a group-sized shower, and a performance pole. You know, for all of the crazy pole dancing you'll be doing. And if you seriously want to dance, well, they even offer pole dancing lessons.

If you view the last days before your wedding as a time to let loose, then some of that crazy stuff may be right for you. But if you prefer to keep it more mellow, you can still take advantage of their ballrooms or use the rooftop for its amazing views.

Take a look at the gallery for a few pictures and ideas.