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No one article is going to come anywhere near to describing "the African wedding", because there is no such thing. Africa is a continent of 53 countries (or so) many religions, and over a thousand ethnic groups, each with its own wedding traditions. Thus, a "typical African wedding" could be one of over a thousand different forms, all of them "typical" to their area and culture.

In Africa, a wedding is not, as it is here, the joining of two individuals (who have chosen each other for love). Depending on their cultural group, the African bride and groom may be utter strangers to each other, or they may have known each other for years. They may have chosen each other, or had their partner chosen for them. However they come together, though, in Africa a wedding is about joining families.

Polygamy (one husband, more than one wife) is not the norm, but it's far from unusual, and is perfectly legal is quite a few areas. A "bride price" is also reasonably common, whereby the groom's family pays some amount to the bride's to compensate for the loss of their daughter -- because in almost every instance the bride will go live with the groom's family, or become part of his tribe or village, after the wedding.

African weddings are full of color and music. Song and dance is integral. Sometimes the bride dances to her husband's hut; sometimes the groom dances to prove his worth as a husband; sometimes the families dance to honor the bridal couple, and almost everywhere, groups of people -- men with men, women with women, or all together -- dance to celebrate the union of the couple.

In larger cities, it is increasingly considered "modern" to have a western-style wedding, complete with white gown. What a shame that such a rich history and heritage of tradition should be discarded as "old-fashioned" -- in favor of some other culture's (old-fashioned?) traditions.

Of the many wedding traditions we discovered, those of the !Kung, who inhabit the Kalahari Desert, are among our favorites. (Curious about the spelling? The !Kung language is a "Click Language", one of several which includes clicks of the tongue in their speech, which are indicated with exclamation marks. If you're curious about the language, here's a YouTube clip of Xhosa, a different Click Language.)

The !Kung are an egalitarian society -- a rarity in male-dominated Africa. The marriages are arranged by the parents, who will exchange gifts in celebration of their upcoming family union for a good decade before the event. When the bride-to-be has had her first period (which, in a society where the people are uniformly slim-to-undernourished, occurs somewhere between 12 and 17), she is ready to marry. The man will be ten years or so older, because he needs time to prove himself a capable hunter and provider.

The wedding starts when the bride and groom's family join together to build a hut for the couple, a little apart from the rest of the village. The groom walks to the new hut and sits by the door to await his bride, who is brought by her parents from her family's hut to the new one. Sounds sort of reminiscent of our tradition where the father of the bride walks his daughter down the aisle to where her groom awaits, doesn't it? Except for the !Kung, everybody escorts the bride!

Each family brings coals to create new fire in front of the new hut. It's symbolic and practical: two families are being joined together. And then the festivities really start: everyone singing and dancing to celebrate the couple, who watches the festivities, and much laughter and joking, shared by all.

In the morning, after the couple has spent their first night together, their mothers return to anoint them with oil before heading home again.

Because the bride is considered too young to leave her home yet, the groom comes to live in the bride's village for a few years. Only after they have had a few children will the young family move to the groom's village to live permanently.

This is only one of very, very many African wedding traditions, but it has elements shared by all: the focus on the joining of families and on the tribe/village, the singing, the dancing. And the general rejoicing? That's a features of weddings everywhere, in every country and culture!

Have you ever gone to a wedding and felt like you weren't included? Not a flash-back-to-8th-grade-cliques feeling, but just a feeling that you're not quite getting a personal connection to the couple. Maybe you don't know them well or maybe you've lost touch over time, but you definitely don't feel personally included in all the festivities.

When you make your wedding plans, you want to try to reach out and create that personal connection for all your guests, because, well, they'll just have a better time that way. Everyone wants to feel like they know you – or got to know you better – at your wedding. Here are some ways to reach out to guests who might not be in your daily inner circle of friends.

Welcome out-of-towners. Welcome packets with local restaurants, entertainment options, and in-room snacks offer convenience and make guests feel at home. Short on time? Even a simple greeting card saying, "Welcome Aunt Mabel and Uncle Oscar. FI and I are so glad you're here and are looking forward to seeing you tomorrow" can provide that personal touch.


Continue reading Make every guest feel included



Handfasting may or may not be a Renaissance ceremony, depending on who you read. It certainly started well before the Renaissance, but it was probably still being practiced in some areas during that time. If you're not too much of an historical purist, you might like to include this element in your wedding.

If you saw the movie Braveheart, you would have seen a handfasting. Some believe that handfasting created a year-and-a-day temporary marriage, after which the couple couple could decide whether to marry for life, or whether to go their separate ways. Others believe it to be akin to an engagement, while still others believe it was part of all wedding ceremonies.

Whatever its origins, it's hard to miss the symbolism of being tied together at the wrist. In some ceremonies the couple, once tied, share a drink of wine together, and if that is your choice, you'll enjoy the his-and-her chalices available at Mayhem Ltd. If you think that would be too awkward, many couple opt to help each other take a sip in turn, from the same glass. More details on modern handfasting ceremonies can be found here.
They didn't really "do" wedding favors at Renaissance weddings. Any gift-giving was to the happy couple, and, though common. even that wasn't universal. So when you're looking for favors for your Renaissance (or historical) themed wedding, you'll need to get a little creative.

Here's one idea. Every household worth the name, in just about every era of time (until our own) would have had a kitchen garden. There, the busy housewife would pluck the vegetables for that evening's meal, and the herbs to flavor it. Every housewife would also know the medicinal and mystical uses of her fresh-picked herbs.

Continue reading Herbal favors for Renaissance wedding

Have you ever wondered why we save the top layer of wedding cakes, only to freeze it and consume it an entire year later when chances are it won't be quite as delicious?

Here's a hint:

First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes a baby in a baby carriage.


It used to be a very common occurrence that by the time the one-year anniversary rolled around a couple would be busy planning a christening. So instead of baking another cake for the occasion, people just baked a huge cake for the wedding and saved part of it to be served at the christening.

How very practical yet sad for the little one, don't you think?

Of course, nowadays there is no such expectation, but the tradition of saving a piece of cake lives on. And now you know why.
Why get married in June? Well, the weather's nice -- but maybe there's a little something in the stars, too.

June is named for the Roman goddess Juno. In Roman mythology, Juno is known as the queen of the gods, patron goddess of the Roman Empire, and among other things, goddess of relationships.

It is said that couples who marry in Juno's month will have long and happy marriages, watched over by the queen of the gods herself. If you're hoping to be lucky in love, perhaps a June wedding would be perfect.
Bomboniere. Sometimes it seems that when you're planning a wedding, you have to learn a whole new language, and in this case, maybe you are, because 'bomboniere' is Italian for little gifts (aka 'favors') that are given out at any number of special occasions, not just weddings.

If you've been agonizing over your favors, why not go traditional? Don't panic! So often "traditional" seems to mean adding a whole 'nuther layer of complication to your event, but in this case, it simplifies things. Hugely. Traditionally, 'bomboniere' were very, very simple: five sugared almonds tied up in tulle, and tied with a pretty bow, or , eve simpler, popped into a cute little decorative box. These days, you can even purchase almonds in your wedding colors.

Why five? Because each almond was a good wish: one each for health, wealth, happiness, fertility, and long life. So, if you're looking for an elegant way to simplify your wedding, go traditional with truly traditional bomboniere!
If there's a little Scot in your heritage you're looking to express, you'll enjoy these garters. Made with lace and your choice of over 15 different tartans, you're almost sure to find the one you're after. Each garter is finished with a ribbon in a matching color, and embellished with either an imitation silver thistle button, or plastic rose and pearl drop pendant.

Lace is white or black, and garters fit up to a 22-inch circumference. They can be made larger upon request.

If you are interested in more information on a tartan wedding garter, check out this link.
Over twenty years ago, a now infamous Newsweek article discussed the likelihood of single women finding a mate. The cover headline read "The Marriage Crunch," and there was a downward sloping line graph below it showing a single woman's chances of getting married. It didn't look good.

Fortunately, it was wrong.

A study by demographers at Harvard and Yale was behind the story (and subsequent discussion by every single woman who hoped for marriage). The story itself said that "white, college-educated women born in the mid-1950s who are still single at 30 have only a 20 percent chance of marrying. By the age of 35 the odds drop to 5 percent." You might have heard it said that a single 40-year-old woman is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to ever marry -- this study and story is where that came from.

Continue reading What are the chances of getting married after 40? Maybe better than you think!

Say "elope" to anyone in the English-speaking western world, and they will almost certainly think of Gretna Green. Why is that, anyway?

Back in 1753, England passed a law stating that couples had to be at least 21 years old to marry without parental consent. If you were passionately in love and only 19, you were out of luck. Unless, that is, you could make a run north to Scotland, where at the time boys could marry at 14 and girls at 12 without parental consent. Scotland also didn't required the banns to be read, nor a marriage license. Heck, it didn't even require a clergyman. To those law-bound English to the south, Scotland was a marriage free-for-all!

So the couples would flee north, and get married in the first place they came to, Gretna Green, very often getting married in one of the two blacksmith shops, by the blacksmith. Even today, Gretna Green is one of the most popular marriage destinations in the world, with thousands of couples getting married "over the anvil". We're betting that back in 1753, there weren't any Gretna Green wedding planners...


Gallery: Gretna Green



We are all familiar with a shawl, that pretty and comforting accessory that not only warms but adds an element of grace and style to an outfit. We've seen wedding versions made of organdy or knit from fine wool -- but did you know that their origins are much, much older than that?

The word shawl comes from the Persian 'shal', simply a loose, wrapping garment meant for warmth, and they are traditional throughout the east, for men as well as women. Beyond simple warmth, though, they can have decorative, symbolic, and even religious purposes. And they are certainly worn at weddings.


Continue reading Wedding shawls -- more than white lace

Next weekend is Memorial Weekend, a time to remember and cherish memories of those who've passed. During wedding planning, it can be difficult to thinks of ways to memorialize a family or friend that won't dampen the joyous day for guests.

Recently, we touched on a moving memorial story in a special Mother's Day section of the New York Times. However, if you do choose to have some sort of memorial during your wedding, the following ideas are simple, uplifting ways to honor a loved one:

Continue reading Wedding memorial: Special ways to honor loved ones

This touching column by Julie Buxbaum appeared in the Mother's Day issue of the The New York Times. In it, the author shares her conflicting emotions as she plans her wedding 16 years after her mother's death. The more she tries to be calm about all the hoopla surrounding the wedding, the more she realizes that American weddings are not really about the bride and groom but about mothers and daughters.

Needless to say, it's a difficult time fraught with surprising emotional minefields; the question of how to include her mother looms large in every decision, from invitation wording to the size of the guest list.

Do you agree with the author when she says that weddings are more about mother-daughters than the bride and groom? How involved has your mother been in the wedding planning? If you've lost your mother, how have you incorporated her memory into the event?


A "wishing tree" is a traditional part of Dutch weddings, and an interesting alternative to the guest book. A beautifully shaped bare branch (or two) is placed in a pot and arranged on a table beside the bride and groom's table. The branch can be bursting into bud for a spring wedding, or a dried and painted branch. You can decorate the branch with ribbons or beads, whatever looks beautiful to you.

Guests are given a paper leaf or piece of decorative card attached to a ribbon when they arrive. During the reception, they write their best wishes to the bride and groom. The couple gets to read them before hanging them on the branch. After the wedding, the couple can use the branch as a centerpiece or decorative item in their own home. Eventually, couple can take the leaves/cards off the tree and make a collage of them or put them in a scrapbook. Whatever you do with it, you'll have a tree-full of warm wishes to savor for years to come.
Wednesday Wedding Wrap-up is a weekly roundup of highlights from the past week, covering wedding blogs and websites, reality TV, even particularly hot scoop right here at AisleDash. Think we missed something? Leave your favorite highlight in the comments!

Did you miss out on something exciting before you got hitched? Manolo for the Brides discusses the importance (or lack of importance, as the case may be) of the "Do THIS before you get married" lists.

Decidedly Uncomplicated puts together a welcome bag ... and they come out to $37 each! Find out what she kept and what she nixed.

Weddingbee's Miss Tiramisu has chosen a wedding song, but not until she and her Mr. went through a long and arduous process of elimination, including dissecting the lyrics of every possible contender. However, they made a great choice, and her reasons for choosing or not choosing a song might just help you out.

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